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August 13, 2012
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Friends, must this chord be broke and we depart,
And head our ways to lands that we have sought?
Have all the times and fights that we have fought
Been nothing more than whims of our lone hearts?
Why must it be, for we have not impart
The love and strength of memory long wrought.
This touch is but the fleeting leaf of thought
That falls away like drops of deadened light.
But I fear not this leave, for lighted day
Shall come again, and draw us in the Light
Of which we pray, and name it Glory's name.
So let us not be in the Night of Nights
And let the Muse of light say its say
Of where we go and where we part in ways.
It's been awhile since I've done a sonnet, not to mention that I haven't done any type of structured piece at all either... This is a petrarchan sonnet, with some breakage of rhyme scheme and the theme of the entire poem basically being "unattainable eternal friendship" instead of "unattainable love" (cause, you know, who cares about love nowadays lol).

:iconcritique-it:

1. Is the theme clear and meaningful to the reader?
2. Does the rhyme scheme feel like that it flows with the poem, and not just forced in?
3. What is your interpretation of the piece?

This petrarchan sonnet has also been entered in for challenge [link]

My critique for #theWrittenRevolution: [link]
:iconsame-side:
Same-side Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012   Writer
1. Is the theme clear and meaningful to the reader?

I've got to be honest. I read this poem carefully, taking note of how the phrases and images related to each other and really trying to get a read on the tone of the speaker; nonetheless, I hadn't a clue as to its meaning (and even after reading the description, still don't quite understand it completely). It's a very confusing poem, but not in a good way.

Two problems I see going on: 1 It seems as if you've written an orbit around the theme, rather than a message delivering the theme, and 2 the theme isn't being related specifically or compellingly enough for the reader to relate to it.

My recommendation: Be more personal in the message; put something of yourself or your experience into it; don't be afraid to share a vulnerable side of your creativity.

2. Does the rhyme scheme feel like that it flows with the poem, and not just forced in?

Unfortunately, the rhyme scheme feels forced from start to finish. Uncomfortable phrasing makes the poem read like a painful literary contortionist act. At this point in the poem's development, keeping to so strict a rhyme scheme is holding it back from its potential.

My recommendation: Doff the rhyme scheme (at least, for the moment) and work on developing what you want to say with this poem. Then, you can work on how you want to say it.

3. What is your interpretation of the piece?

No idea. The capitalized words toward the end hint at some sort of greater power or order, but it never really connected into anything cohesive for me. Sorry.
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:icondeinktvis:
deinktvis Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Student Writer
thanks for participating in the FFF sonnet challenge!
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